By Julia Staschen, MD
Reliant Pediatrics

Watching your toddler melt down into a big tantrum can feel overwhelming, and you are not alone if this leaves you feeling stressed and unsure of what to do next. These moments are tough for every parent. The good news is that all that kicking and screaming is a normal part of your child’s growth and development. With the techniques we review, we hope that you’ll feel more confident in helping your toddler navigate those big feelings.

What Is Really Going On?

Tantrums are a common part of early childhood development, typically occurring between 15 months and three years of age. They often occur when young children want things they can’t have, feel overwhelmed by big emotions, or don’t yet have the words to express what they need. In those moments, you might see crying, throwing objects, breath holding, or even dropping to the floor kicking and screaming.

In more intense moments, some children can even bang their heads during a tantrum. While this can look alarming, it’s reassuring to know that it rarely leads to serious harm. As children begin to understand that these methods are not effective and can cause discomfort, these behaviors usually fade.

How You React Matters

It’s normal to feel embarrassed or worried, especially if a tantrum happens in public. In those moments, it can be tempting to give in just to make the tantrum stop. But how you respond truly matters, because it teaches your child what works and what doesn’t. If you give in, they may learn that yelling or crying is an effective way to get what they want – making it more likely to happen again. Children also take their cues from you, so doing your best to stay calm can make a big difference.

Learn Some Simple Tips for Handling Tantrums

Below are some helpful ways to get through tantrums easier:

• Stay calm and don’t give in
  This is difficult, but very important. If your child is safe, try to ignore the tantrum. Don’t argue, yell, or explain things while they are upset. Wait until they calm down.
• Keep your child safe
  If your child throws things or bumps their head, move them to a safe place. A quiet area with fewer distractions can help settle them down.
• Stick to your rules
  If you said “no” before the tantrum, keep saying “no” afterward. Changing your mind teaches your child that tantrums work.
• Move on after the tantrum
  Toddlers usually forget tantrums quickly. Once it’s over, go back to normal activities without bringing it up again. Try to pretend it didn’t happen.

Praise Good Behavior

One of the best things to do as a parent is to notice good behavior. When your child plays nicely, listens, and behaves well, give them praise and hugs. This helps them learn that calm behavior gets attention. For older children who are acting up, wait until they are calm. Then talk about what happened in a simple way. Focus on what they can do better next time.

When to Talk to the Doctor

Tantrums are normal. But if your child has tantrums that seem very intense, last a long time, or happen very often, talk to your pediatrician or other caregiver. They can offer personalized advice and help determine if there’s an underlying issue.

Final Thoughts

Parenting through tantrums is tough, but you’re not alone in dealing with them. With patience, steady rules, and a lot of understanding, you can help your child learn to handle those big emotions. Don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it sooner than you think!